ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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