Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We have started to decorate penises.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
