mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
