I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
