If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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