I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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