I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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