I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
