i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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