yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
