You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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