i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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