Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
