It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
