This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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