We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
