I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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