something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i think im in europe. pls send help
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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