Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
