ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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