She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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