goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
