Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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