My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
