I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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