I want to have your abortion
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
