Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
