That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
His hands were made for my vagina.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
