Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
