I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
