A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
