So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
