Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize