'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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