ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I should be sponsored by Trojan
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
