I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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