you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
