I wannas sexs uuuuu
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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