You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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