Please, let me fuck your mom
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
