I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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