i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
