just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
