I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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