I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
