i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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