i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize