Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This is my gift to your gina
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
