i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
