guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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