dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
