I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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