you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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