I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
