i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
