While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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