yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Me too!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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