I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
