just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
