I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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