Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
