R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
