living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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