Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
